i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
