happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
