So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
