in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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