Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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