We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
