Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
