Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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