he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
