Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
