A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
