i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
