shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
