Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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