This beer is not sobering me up at all
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
