I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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