Please, let me fuck your mom
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
