I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
