Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
