then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
