I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
