Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
