It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
