thus making me awesome and them whores
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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