i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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