TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
