Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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