In the future we'll all be gay
I want to have your abortion
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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