i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
