Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
