The maid of honor just puked.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
