the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
