after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
