I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
