watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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