mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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