Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
