Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
