i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
