Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
