nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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