batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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