omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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