I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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