He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
