I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
