For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
