OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
