Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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