I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
