i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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